Author Topic: The Great Big Thread of Jokes (Read 450381 times)

Stevie-Ray · « **Reply #1375 on:** August 31, 2019, 06:59:44 pm »

The DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION SCHEDULE has been released.

Monday July 20, 2020

1:30 PM
Free lunch, free medical marijuana, and free bus ride to the Convention.
Food Stamp enrollment forms available.

2:00 PM
Group Voter Registration for undocumented Immigrants and any deceased citizens.

3:30 PM
Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
Sponsored by CNN – Don Lemon

4:00 PM
Address on "Being the Real You"
Rachel Dolezal, former Head of the Seattle NAACP and
Caitlyn Jenner

4:30 PM
"How to Bank $200 Million as a Public Servant and Claim to be Broke"
Hillary Clinton

5:00 PM
“How to have a successful career without ever having a job, and still avoid paying taxes.”
A Seminar Moderated by Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson

5:30 PM
Medal of Freedom presentation to Army deserter Bo Berghdal

6:00 PM
Invitation-only Autograph Session
Souvenir photographs of Elizabeth Warren dressed in Native American clothing

6:30 PM
Tribute to All of the 57 States
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi

7:00 PM
General vote on praising Baltimore rioters, and on using the terminology "Alternative Shoppers" instead of "looters"

7:30 PM
The White House "Semantics Committee" Meeting
General vote on re-branding "Muslim Terrorism" as "Countering Islamophobia"

8:00 PM
“Liberal Bias in Media – How we can make it work for you”
Tutorial sponsored by CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, the Washington Post and the New York Times.

8:30 PM
Tribute Film to the Brave Freedom Fighters still incarcerated at GITMO
by Michael Moore

9:00 PM
Personal Finance Seminar - "Businesses Don't Create Jobs"
Hosted by Barack Obama

9:30 PM
Group Condemnation of Bitter Gun Owners.

10:00 PM
Ceremonial “We Surrender ! ” Waving of the White Flag

10:30 PM
Short film, "Setting Up Your Own Illegal Email Server While Serving in A Cabinet Post and How to Pretend It's No Big Deal"
Hosted by Hillary Clinton

11:00 PM
Official Nomination of Kamala Harris
Bill Maher and Chris Matthews

11:30 PM Group apology for being old and white led by Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden and Bill Clinton.

WeTheArmed.com

coelacanth · « **Reply #1376 on:** August 31, 2019, 08:10:14 pm »

Nice.

aikorob · « **Reply #1377 on:** September 01, 2019, 07:33:50 am »

I thought Maduro was giving the keynote speech............or is he going to lead one of the "how to" sessions?

Since the convention is in Milwaukee. is the ghost of Che going to ride in on his motorcycle?

coelacanth · « **Reply #1378 on:** September 23, 2019, 10:25:54 pm »

There was an explosion at a French cheese factory. The whole place was flattened. According to reports there was nothing left but de brie.

TommyGunn · « **Reply #1379 on:** September 23, 2019, 11:50:59 pm »

Quote from: coelacanth on September 23, 2019, 10:25:54 pm

There was an explosion at a French cheese factory. The whole place was flattened. According to reports there was nothing left but de brie.

coelacanth · « **Reply #1380 on:** December 07, 2019, 10:59:48 pm »

If we are deprived of one of our senses the other senses become more acute to compensate for the loss. An example of this is people with no sense of humor have a heightened sense of self importance.

coelacanth · « **Reply #1381 on:** December 08, 2019, 12:04:43 pm »

"The Supreme Court has ruled they can't have a nativity scene in Washington D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin." Jay Leno

aikorob · « **Reply #1382 on:** December 08, 2019, 06:30:16 pm »

anybody want to take on an older vehicle restoration?

goatroper · « **Reply #1383 on:** March 06, 2020, 02:46:12 pm »

The Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private "OFF LIMITS" area on all aircraft carriers.

While addressing all personnel at Pearl Harbor, CINCPAC advised:

"Female sleeping quarters will be "out-of-bounds" for all males. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time."

And the Admiral continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150.

Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500.

Are there any questions?"

At this point, a US Marine from the security detail assigned to a ship stood up in the crowd and inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

God bless the Marine Corps!

coelacanth · « **Reply #1384 on:** March 06, 2020, 11:15:03 pm »

aikorob · « **Reply #1385 on:** April 11, 2020, 02:33:12 pm »

a few random memes

coelacanth · « **Reply #1386 on:** April 11, 2020, 02:51:11 pm »

booksmart · « **Reply #1387 on:** April 11, 2020, 04:35:36 pm »

Quote from: aikorob on April 11, 2020, 02:33:12 pm

a few random memes

The cat/LSD one is one of my all time favorites.

coelacanth · « **Reply #1388 on:** April 22, 2020, 10:47:43 pm »

Just heard Dennis Miller on TV a few minutes ago: "You know the difference between Nancy Pelosi and her freezer? When she opens her mouth the light doesn't come on." . . .

Chief45 · « **Reply #1389 on:** April 23, 2020, 10:44:06 am »

Wanna hear a coronna virus joke ?

You probably won't get it.

coelacanth · « **Reply #1390 on:** April 23, 2020, 01:37:45 pm »

aikorob · « **Reply #1391 on:** May 25, 2020, 02:19:54 pm »

I may have posted the honey badger before

Raptor · « **Reply #1392 on:** May 25, 2020, 02:24:35 pm »

"Let me sing you the song of my people?"

So.... killing them softly with your song?

coelacanth · « **Reply #1393 on:** May 25, 2020, 06:35:33 pm »

The hippies have finally won. Pot is legal and haircuts are banned.

Raptor · « **Reply #1394 on:** July 09, 2020, 10:05:50 pm »

What do you get when you cross Captain America with The Incredible Hulk?

The Star-Spangled Banner

coelacanth · « **Reply #1395 on:** July 09, 2020, 11:14:04 pm »

TommyGunn · « **Reply #1396 on:** July 10, 2020, 11:48:17 am »

Quote from: Raptor on July 09, 2020, 10:05:50 pm

What do you get when you cross Captain America with The Incredible Hulk?

The Star-Spangled Banner

goatroper · « **Reply #1397 on:** July 10, 2020, 11:58:42 pm »

From ancient Greek mythology comes the story of Chiron, half man, half horse, who was known as a great healer.

He was the first Centaur for Disease Control.

coelacanth · « **Reply #1398 on:** July 12, 2020, 01:26:18 am »

Nice.

aikorob · « **Reply #1399 on:** July 19, 2020, 05:06:10 pm »

since someone posted a medieval tune recently, ........................