Author Topic: The Great Big Thread of Jokes (Read 450325 times)

WeTheArmed.com

coelacanth · « **Reply #1326 on:** March 11, 2018, 05:06:25 pm »

You guya are killin' me today.

MTK20 · « **Reply #1327 on:** March 11, 2018, 05:30:02 pm »

Raptor · « **Reply #1328 on:** May 12, 2018, 09:58:34 pm »

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the Squad Leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved.”

He yelled back, "Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American."

So I said, "Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!"

He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!”

And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.

coelacanth · « **Reply #1329 on:** May 13, 2018, 01:38:31 am »

Grognard · « **Reply #1330 on:** May 23, 2018, 12:18:48 am »

LoL

Kaso · « **Reply #1331 on:** May 23, 2018, 09:45:44 pm »

Jokes? Five separate days represented in the past 20 posts? WTA is the joke.

Roper1911 · « **Reply #1332 on:** May 28, 2018, 12:05:44 pm »

yeah, forums are dying slowly.

coelacanth · « **Reply #1333 on:** May 28, 2018, 11:38:04 pm »

C'mon . . . there's a few of us still around.

Teacher: "What comes after 69?"

Student: "Mouthwash."

Teacher: "Get out."

MTK20 · « **Reply #1334 on:** May 29, 2018, 01:16:03 am »

Quote from: coelacanth on May 28, 2018, 11:38:04 pm

C'mon . . . there's a few of us still around.

Agreed. It'll still be here as long as we keep posting

.

Kaso · « **Reply #1335 on:** May 29, 2018, 08:44:42 am »

You are losing sight of the difference between a 'forum' and a chat room.

coelacanth · « **Reply #1336 on:** May 29, 2018, 02:11:21 pm »

Well, since I've never been involved with anything called a "chat room" before, perhaps you could outline the differences for us? Or would that be considered felony thread drift? Can you even have such a thing in a "chat room " ?

Meanwhile back at the ranch,

Grammar is the difference between your dinner and you're dinner.

Auto-correct has become my worst enema.

Langenator · « **Reply #1337 on:** May 29, 2018, 04:50:23 pm »

Commas are the diifference between:

"Let's eat, Grandma!" and "Let's eat Grandma!"

aikorob · « **Reply #1338 on:** May 30, 2018, 10:03:39 am »

I always like this example:

lesptr · « **Reply #1339 on:** May 30, 2018, 10:15:56 am »

Proper capitalization is important too!

Please help Uncle Jack of the donkey.

Please help uncle jack off the donkey.

coelacanth · « **Reply #1340 on:** May 30, 2018, 11:42:24 am »

I'm glad you specified a donkey. Otherwise uncle could be charged with rendering aid and comfort to a democrat . . .

aikorob · « **Reply #1341 on:** June 01, 2018, 12:15:34 pm »

Once there was an African on a visit to Russia who spent there two years.
When he returned back home his friends asked him how he did like famous Russian winters?
And the man answers: “Well, the winter without snow is pretty fine, but winter with snow is really bad.”

in honor of this: http://englishrussia.com/2018/06/01/snow-on-first-day-of-summer-in-russia-photos/

Raptor · « **Reply #1342 on:** June 06, 2018, 08:39:05 pm »

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly cowboy who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence..

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The old cowboy replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the cowboy.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old cowboy.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'

The old cowboy calmly replied,

'Been married to your sister for 48 years. '

booksmart · « **Reply #1343 on:** June 06, 2018, 09:00:00 pm »

ZeroTA · « **Reply #1344 on:** June 11, 2018, 11:57:12 am »

Ed and Linda meet on a singles cruise and hit it off instantly. After just a month of dating, Ed takes her out to a fancy restaurant and says, "Linda, I'm head over heels in love with you. But before we get any more serious, you need to know something about me. I love golf. I play every weekend, and I'm not willing to quit."

Linda replies, "Ed, I'm fine with you playing golf every weekend. But there's something you need to know about me too. I'm a hooker."

"Well," says Ed, "That's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight."

coelacanth · « **Reply #1345 on:** June 11, 2018, 12:02:48 pm »

Langenator · « **Reply #1346 on:** June 24, 2018, 01:46:43 pm »

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son again.

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching Stormy Daniels movies."

Dad says," What? At your age I didn't even know what dirty movies were."

The robot slaps the father!

Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."

The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.

Stolen from Ace

MTK20 · « **Reply #1347 on:** June 24, 2018, 02:39:27 pm »

Quote from: Langenator on June 24, 2018, 01:46:43 pm

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son again.

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching Stormy Daniels movies."

Dad says," What? At your age I didn't even know what dirty movies were."

The robot slaps the father!

Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."

The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.

Stolen from Ace

coelacanth · « **Reply #1348 on:** June 25, 2018, 03:51:22 pm »

I know - its an old one but it cracks me up every time.

Chief45 · « **Reply #1349 on:** June 28, 2018, 11:52:27 am »

Bumper sticker seen in town this week.

My Child is inmate of the month at the county jail.