Help support WeTheArmed.com by visiting our sponsors.

Author Topic: The Great Big Thread of Jokes  (Read 351493 times)

ZeroTA

  • Senior Contributor
  • *****
  • Posts: 2969
  • Minister of Random Punishments

  • Offline
Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
« Reply #425 on: September 19, 2010, 11:05:58 pm »
The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!"

So the Pope stood up, and with all cameras on him he backhanded her cross-eyed!

AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!
I'm not saying you should use an M1A for home defense, but I'm also not saying you shouldn't.

WeTheArmed.com

  • Advertisement
  • ***

    coelacanth

    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 10157
    • eccentric orbit

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #426 on: September 19, 2010, 11:52:17 pm »
     :rotfl
    Arizona" A republic, if you can keep it."

                                                   Benjamin Franklin

    FMJ

    • 7.62
    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 14344
    • "A good black coffee is like a good liquid cigar"

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #427 on: September 20, 2010, 12:28:04 pm »
    FMJ - I love it - is there an attribution?  I'd love to forward that around.

    Archer, I randomly found this on another forum (with no attribution).  But it was good enough that it had to be posted here.
    CaliforniaThere are many like it, but this one is mine.

    tactical22

    • Senior Member
    • ***
    • Posts: 581

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #428 on: September 20, 2010, 01:14:15 pm »
    _________
    [_I_[_____]             
    [_I_[__[OlllllO]    
    ()_)""''"()_)'"''")_)    
    "Solus Christus, Semper Reformanda, Semper Fidelis!"

    "No King But Jesus!"

    "...That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of th

    archerandshooter

    • Member
    • **
    • Posts: 300

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #429 on: September 21, 2010, 04:40:08 pm »
    My faith in internet stories has been restored.

    Finally, some honesty in big buck hunting stories...


    Here's a picture of the new world record whitetail. It was taken by the cousin of a co-worker's sister's, uncle's, best friend's, son-in-law's, niece's hairdresser's, neighbor's ex-boyfriend's oldest nephew. Reportedly it will score 2603-1/8 by B&C standard and was shot in  West Texas on a really windy day, 85 degrees downhill, around a curve at 900 yards with a 22 mag.

    Supposedly, this deer had killed a Brahma bull, two Land Rovers and six Jehovah's Witnesses in the last two weeks alone. They said it was winning a fight with Bigfoot when it was shot. It had also been confirmed that the buck had been seen drinking discharge water from a nuclear power plant.

    This has been checked on Snopes who confirmed it. Honest!!!

    Sincerely,

    B. Obama

    TWN KALON AGWNA HGWNISMAI

    Grant

    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 8004

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #430 on: September 21, 2010, 05:58:02 pm »
       Finally re-found this in the jokes folder of the comp:
     Oldy but a goody.


    The Pope, having been invited to address the United Nations, arrives in New York and is wisked away in a private limo. Unfortunately, security delays have made the Pope late for his speech and he instructs his driver to make up the delay by driving as fast as he can. Even with the driver's best efforts, the Pope knows they are still going to arrive late and insists that the driver make even better time. The driver fears for the Pope's safety and hesitates to drive any faster. Now totally frustrated, the Pope tells the driver to get in the back and let him drive.

    The Pontiff takes the limo beyond known limits, making incredible turns and wildly dodges in and out of traffic in an effort to reach the United Nations in time. Six blocks from their destination a New York police officer catches up with the limo and pulls them over. Upon approaching the driver's side window and recognizing the Pope immediately, the police officer informs the Pope he was speeding and driving recklessly. The Pope explains "We are in a very big hurry to address an international audience on the most urgent of worldly matters". The officer begs the Pope's pardon and returns to his squad car to make a call to headquarters.

    "Get me the chief right away!" the officer demands.

    "This is the chief, what's the problem?"

    "Chief, this is Roberts. I've pulled over a big shot, and I'm not so sure what to do"

    "Who is it, the Mayor?" asks the chief.

    "Bigger than that" says the officer.

    "Don't tell me you pulled over the Governor!" asks the chief.

    "Bigger than the Governor" says the officer.

    "Bigger than the Governor! A Senator? A Congressman?"

    "Bigger" say the officer.

    "Who the hell did you pull over, the President of the United States?!" the chief asks, alarmed.

    "Chief, I'm not sure who he is, but he's got the Pope for a driver!"
    Montana"I’d say the worst part of all this is the feeling of betrayal,           but I’m betting the part where they break in here and beat us to death might be worse.”

    Stevie-Ray

    • Senior Member
    • ***
    • Posts: 549

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #431 on: September 21, 2010, 07:19:13 pm »
    I have four extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel (son of Evil Knievel) event at Cardinal's Stadium next weekend in Glendale AZ.


    Robbie is going to try to jump over 1,000 Obama supporters with a Caterpillar D-9 bulldozer.

    Should be a good time.

    For those who understand, no explanation is needed.

    For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

    MichiganFolks keep talking about another Civil War.  One side knows how to shoot and has a trillion bullets.  The other side has crying closets and is confused about which bathroom to use.  How do you think that war is going to end?

    tactical22

    • Senior Member
    • ***
    • Posts: 581

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #432 on: September 22, 2010, 02:07:49 am »
     :clap :rotfl
    _________
    [_I_[_____]             
    [_I_[__[OlllllO]    
    ()_)""''"()_)'"''")_)    
    "Solus Christus, Semper Reformanda, Semper Fidelis!"

    "No King But Jesus!"

    "...That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of th

    Grant

    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 8004

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #433 on: September 22, 2010, 08:05:36 am »
     :clap
    Montana"I’d say the worst part of all this is the feeling of betrayal,           but I’m betting the part where they break in here and beat us to death might be worse.”

    Raptor

    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 6923
    • Ain't nothin' like me 'cept me!
      • Raptor's Nest

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #434 on: September 22, 2010, 09:57:00 am »
    PennsylvaniaNon Timebo Mala -- I Will Fear No Evil

    “Libprogs want conservatives to be silent. Conservatives want libprogs to keep talking so the world can see just how full of sh*t they are.” – Larry Correia

    "When the odds are impossible, count on crazy." - JesseL

    coelacanth

    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 10157
    • eccentric orbit

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #435 on: September 22, 2010, 09:56:42 pm »
    Gravity.  Its not just a good idea, its the law.   ;D
    Arizona" A republic, if you can keep it."

                                                   Benjamin Franklin

    bmitchell

    • WTA Guest
    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 2317

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #436 on: September 23, 2010, 08:13:01 am »
    Gravity is a suggestion generally obeyed due to the fact that the generating object is bigger than you and can beat you up.

    Ben

    coelacanth

    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 10157
    • eccentric orbit

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #437 on: September 23, 2010, 12:45:10 pm »
    So the real double whammy is gravity combined with Murphy's Law?
    Arizona" A republic, if you can keep it."

                                                   Benjamin Franklin

    Stevie-Ray

    • Senior Member
    • ***
    • Posts: 549

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #438 on: September 23, 2010, 09:20:29 pm »

     
    Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women
     
       

      And here we go...

    #10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

    #9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

    #8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

    #7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

    #6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

    #5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

    #4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.

    #3 - A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

    #2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
     
     
    And the Number One reason
                Why Men Prefer Guns over women.....


     
    #1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun!

    ***********************************************************************************************

    A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
    The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
    'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
    'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies.
    'Put them back, we can't afford them demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
    A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
    What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
    'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
    Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'
    On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down.'
    MichiganFolks keep talking about another Civil War.  One side knows how to shoot and has a trillion bullets.  The other side has crying closets and is confused about which bathroom to use.  How do you think that war is going to end?

    coelacanth

    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 10157
    • eccentric orbit

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #439 on: September 23, 2010, 10:52:49 pm »
     :rotfl
    Arizona" A republic, if you can keep it."

                                                   Benjamin Franklin

    FMJ

    • 7.62
    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 14344
    • "A good black coffee is like a good liquid cigar"

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #440 on: September 23, 2010, 11:22:01 pm »
    Those jokes never get old.
    CaliforniaThere are many like it, but this one is mine.

    FMJ

    • 7.62
    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 14344
    • "A good black coffee is like a good liquid cigar"

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #441 on: September 28, 2010, 02:39:45 pm »
    CaliforniaThere are many like it, but this one is mine.

    Raptor

    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 6923
    • Ain't nothin' like me 'cept me!
      • Raptor's Nest

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #442 on: September 28, 2010, 03:22:19 pm »
    MY EYES! MY EYES!!!!!!!!

    Dude, that was not funny!  :neener
    PennsylvaniaNon Timebo Mala -- I Will Fear No Evil

    “Libprogs want conservatives to be silent. Conservatives want libprogs to keep talking so the world can see just how full of sh*t they are.” – Larry Correia

    "When the odds are impossible, count on crazy." - JesseL

    FMJ

    • 7.62
    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 14344
    • "A good black coffee is like a good liquid cigar"

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #443 on: September 28, 2010, 04:14:47 pm »
    In which "Art of the Dynamic _____" does he flash and most importantly---WHY???
    CaliforniaThere are many like it, but this one is mine.

    sohmdaddy

    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 2869
      • inSOHMnia

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #444 on: September 28, 2010, 04:32:00 pm »
    I think its a strategy to confuse your enemy and gain precious seconds in which you can draw your sidearm.

    Raptor

    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 6923
    • Ain't nothin' like me 'cept me!
      • Raptor's Nest

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #445 on: September 28, 2010, 04:41:25 pm »
    IIRC, it's on the Art of Dynamic Handgun blooper reel...



    Yep, @ about 2:25-ish.
    PennsylvaniaNon Timebo Mala -- I Will Fear No Evil

    “Libprogs want conservatives to be silent. Conservatives want libprogs to keep talking so the world can see just how full of sh*t they are.” – Larry Correia

    "When the odds are impossible, count on crazy." - JesseL

    coelacanth

    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 10157
    • eccentric orbit

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #446 on: September 28, 2010, 11:45:25 pm »
    That's just wrong . . .
    Arizona" A republic, if you can keep it."

                                                   Benjamin Franklin

    tactical22

    • Senior Member
    • ***
    • Posts: 581

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #447 on: September 30, 2010, 10:42:10 pm »

    Two blondes were going to Disneyland .  They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT.  They started crying and turned around and went home.

     Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'  The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.  After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
    She says, 'What's the story?'
    He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
    She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
    She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
    Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

    There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
    The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

    A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
    'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
    The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
    The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
    'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
    'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

    A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
    Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
    'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

    A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
    The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
    The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
    The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'  The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
    'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
    To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

    A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

    A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'  'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
    _________
    [_I_[_____]             
    [_I_[__[OlllllO]    
    ()_)""''"()_)'"''")_)    
    "Solus Christus, Semper Reformanda, Semper Fidelis!"

    "No King But Jesus!"

    "...That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of th

    Stevie-Ray

    • Senior Member
    • ***
    • Posts: 549

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #448 on: October 02, 2010, 09:04:14 pm »
    Quote
    Art of Dynamic Handgun blooper reel...
    That was great. I'll get it! :clap
    MichiganFolks keep talking about another Civil War.  One side knows how to shoot and has a trillion bullets.  The other side has crying closets and is confused about which bathroom to use.  How do you think that war is going to end?

    FMJ

    • 7.62
    • Senior Contributor
    • *****
    • Posts: 14344
    • "A good black coffee is like a good liquid cigar"

    • Offline
    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #449 on: October 03, 2010, 10:54:01 pm »
    CaliforniaThere are many like it, but this one is mine.

    Help support WeTheArmed.com by visiting our sponsors.