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Author Topic: The Great Big Thread of Jokes  (Read 332824 times)

lesptr

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Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
« Reply #1325 on: March 11, 2018, 04:44:12 pm »
Georgia

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    coelacanth

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1326 on: March 11, 2018, 05:06:25 pm »
     :rotfl  You guya are killin' me today.   :cool
    Arizona" A republic, if you can keep it."

                                                   Benjamin Franklin

    MTK20

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1327 on: March 11, 2018, 05:30:02 pm »
     :rotfl
    Texas
    Do we forget that cops were primarily still using 6 Shot Revolvers well through the mid 80's? It wasn't until after 1986 that most departments then relented and went to autos.
    Capacity wasn't really an issue then... and honestly really it's not even an issue now.
    Ray Chapman, used to say that the 125-grain Magnum load’s almost magical stopping power was the only reason to load .357 instead of .38 Special +P ammunition into a fighting revolver chambered for the Magnum round. I agree. - Massad Ayoob

    Paradoxically it is those who strive for self-reliance, who remain vigilant and ready to help others.

    Raptor

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1328 on: May 12, 2018, 09:58:34 pm »
    A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the Squad Leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

    The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved.”

    He yelled back, "Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American."

    So I said, "Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!"

    He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!”

    And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.
    PennsylvaniaNon Timebo Mala -- I Will Fear No Evil

    “Libprogs want conservatives to be silent. Conservatives want libprogs to keep talking so the world can see just how full of sh*t they are.” – Larry Correia

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    coelacanth

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1329 on: May 13, 2018, 01:38:31 am »
     :rotfl
    Arizona" A republic, if you can keep it."

                                                   Benjamin Franklin

    Grognard

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1330 on: May 23, 2018, 12:18:48 am »
     :clap  LoL  :clap
    Virginia“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” -Aristotle

    Kaso

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1331 on: May 23, 2018, 09:45:44 pm »
    Jokes?  Five separate days represented in the past 20 posts?  WTA is the joke.

    Roper1911

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1332 on: May 28, 2018, 12:05:44 pm »
    yeah, forums are dying slowly.
    North Carolina"it has two fire modes, safe, and most decidedly unsafe"
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    coelacanth

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1333 on: May 28, 2018, 11:38:04 pm »
    C'mon  .   .    .    there's a few of us still around.    :coffee

    Teacher:   "What comes after 69?"

    Student:    "Mouthwash."

    Teacher:     "Get out."   
    Arizona" A republic, if you can keep it."

                                                   Benjamin Franklin

    MTK20

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1334 on: May 29, 2018, 01:16:03 am »
    C'mon  .   .    .    there's a few of us still around.    :coffee

    Agreed. It'll still be here as long as we keep posting  :cool .
    Texas
    Do we forget that cops were primarily still using 6 Shot Revolvers well through the mid 80's? It wasn't until after 1986 that most departments then relented and went to autos.
    Capacity wasn't really an issue then... and honestly really it's not even an issue now.
    Ray Chapman, used to say that the 125-grain Magnum load’s almost magical stopping power was the only reason to load .357 instead of .38 Special +P ammunition into a fighting revolver chambered for the Magnum round. I agree. - Massad Ayoob

    Paradoxically it is those who strive for self-reliance, who remain vigilant and ready to help others.

    Kaso

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1335 on: May 29, 2018, 08:44:42 am »
    You are losing sight of the difference between a 'forum' and a chat room.

    coelacanth

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1336 on: May 29, 2018, 02:11:21 pm »
    Well, since I've never been involved with anything called a "chat room" before, perhaps you could outline the differences for us?  Or would that be considered felony thread drift?  Can you even have such a thing in a "chat room " ?   :hmm

    Meanwhile back at the ranch, 

        Grammar is the difference between your dinner and you're dinner.   

         Auto-correct has become my worst enema. 

    « Last Edit: May 29, 2018, 02:29:42 pm by coelacanth »
    Arizona" A republic, if you can keep it."

                                                   Benjamin Franklin

    Langenator

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1337 on: May 29, 2018, 04:50:23 pm »
    Commas are the diifference between:

    "Let's eat, Grandma!"  and "Let's eat Grandma!"
    TexasFortuna Fortis Paratus

    aikorob

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1338 on: May 30, 2018, 10:03:39 am »
    I always like this example:
    GeorgiaFrom The Codex Kalachnikova: "He who would have you surrender your arms does so because he wishes to do something you could prevent by their usage."

    lesptr

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1339 on: May 30, 2018, 10:15:56 am »
    Proper capitalization is important too!

    Please help Uncle Jack of the donkey.

    Please help uncle jack off the donkey.
    Georgia

    coelacanth

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1340 on: May 30, 2018, 11:42:24 am »
    I'm glad you specified a donkey.  Otherwise uncle could be charged with rendering aid and comfort to a democrat .  .  .   :whistle
    Arizona" A republic, if you can keep it."

                                                   Benjamin Franklin

    aikorob

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1341 on: June 01, 2018, 12:15:34 pm »
    Once there was an African on a visit to Russia who spent there two years.
    When he returned back home his friends asked him how he did like famous Russian winters?
    And the man answers: “Well, the winter without snow is pretty fine, but winter with snow is really bad.”

    in honor of this: http://englishrussia.com/2018/06/01/snow-on-first-day-of-summer-in-russia-photos/
    GeorgiaFrom The Codex Kalachnikova: "He who would have you surrender your arms does so because he wishes to do something you could prevent by their usage."

    Raptor

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1342 on: June 06, 2018, 08:39:05 pm »
    A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.

    Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

    Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

    Soon the church was empty except for one elderly cowboy who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence..

    So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

    The old cowboy replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

    'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

    'Nope, sure ain't.' said the cowboy.

    'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

    'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

    'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

    'Yep,' was the calm reply.

    'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

    'Nope,' said the old cowboy.

    More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'

    The old cowboy calmly replied,

    'Been married to your sister for 48 years. '
    PennsylvaniaNon Timebo Mala -- I Will Fear No Evil

    “Libprogs want conservatives to be silent. Conservatives want libprogs to keep talking so the world can see just how full of sh*t they are.” – Larry Correia

    "When the odds are impossible, count on crazy." - JesseL

    booksmart

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1343 on: June 06, 2018, 09:00:00 pm »
     :rotfl

    ZeroTA

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1344 on: June 11, 2018, 11:57:12 am »
    Ed and Linda meet on a singles cruise and hit it off instantly. After just a month of dating, Ed takes her out to a fancy restaurant and says, "Linda, I'm head over heels in love with you. But before we get any more serious, you need to know something about me. I love golf. I play every weekend, and I'm not willing to quit."

    Linda replies, "Ed, I'm fine with you playing golf every weekend. But there's something you need to know about me too. I'm a hooker."

    "Well," says Ed, "That's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight."



    I'm not saying you should use an M1A for home defense, but I'm also not saying you shouldn't.

    coelacanth

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1345 on: June 11, 2018, 12:02:48 pm »
     :cool
    Arizona" A republic, if you can keep it."

                                                   Benjamin Franklin

    Langenator

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1346 on: June 24, 2018, 01:46:43 pm »
    A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

    He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

    The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

    The robot slaps the son.

    The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

    Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

    Son says, "Toy Story."

    The robot slaps the son again.

    Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching Stormy Daniels movies."

    Dad says," What? At your age I didn't even know what dirty movies were."

    The robot slaps the father!

    Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."

    The robot slaps the mother.

    Robot for sale.

    Stolen from Ace
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    MTK20

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1347 on: June 24, 2018, 02:39:27 pm »
    A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

    He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

    The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

    The robot slaps the son.

    The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

    Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

    Son says, "Toy Story."

    The robot slaps the son again.

    Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching Stormy Daniels movies."

    Dad says," What? At your age I didn't even know what dirty movies were."

    The robot slaps the father!

    Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."

    The robot slaps the mother.

    Robot for sale.

    Stolen from Ace

     :rotfl :rotfl :rotfl
    Texas
    Do we forget that cops were primarily still using 6 Shot Revolvers well through the mid 80's? It wasn't until after 1986 that most departments then relented and went to autos.
    Capacity wasn't really an issue then... and honestly really it's not even an issue now.
    Ray Chapman, used to say that the 125-grain Magnum load’s almost magical stopping power was the only reason to load .357 instead of .38 Special +P ammunition into a fighting revolver chambered for the Magnum round. I agree. - Massad Ayoob

    Paradoxically it is those who strive for self-reliance, who remain vigilant and ready to help others.

    coelacanth

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1348 on: June 25, 2018, 03:51:22 pm »
    I know - its an old one but it cracks me up every time.   :cool
    Arizona" A republic, if you can keep it."

                                                   Benjamin Franklin

    Chief45

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    Re: The Great Big Thread of Jokes
    « Reply #1349 on: June 28, 2018, 11:52:27 am »
    Bumper sticker seen in town this week.


    My Child is inmate of the month at the county jail.


    KansasUN-Retired LEO.

    Non Timebo Mala . . . . . . . I will fear no evil. . .

    It is what it is. . . . . .It's All Good.

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