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Author Topic: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee  (Read 4287 times)

only1asterisk

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Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
« on: July 06, 2013, 04:22:27 am »
For those that might might think this a misplaced work of fiction, I can assured you that it is not.  I work in a very "special" prison.  You see, when not delivering flying kicks to correctional staff, Bruce is 40ish conviced felon with a brain addled by street drugs and pysch meds.  Not remotely asian, it would be one thing if that was something somebody had tagged him with, but that isn't the case.  About three days a week, he becomes Bruce Lee.  He is indignent about in prison when he has movies to make and the unwary officer might feel the fists of fury (or at very least be kicked in the head).

As you might expect, Bruce spends much of his time locked up pretty tight.  He'll weeks to months at a time in a cell alone with the exception of a daily shower ( to which he is escorted to and from in handcuffs) assuming he is feeling cooperative at the time.  Every once and a while, a doctor, lawyer or administrator decides that Bruce has been down too long and forces us to move him to less restictive housing.  The results are predicable

So, this morning the enevitable happens.  Bruce is moved to make a bed so they lock up an inmate accused of trying to have sex with a cat (I shift you not, it happens often enough that there is a standard pleading for it).   He goes staight to a building were 70% of the inmates are just as "throwed off" as he is (the rest are faking it for various reasons).  Not long afterward, a fight breaks out.  Bruce isn't involved.  He reserves his chi for fighting the grey-suited henchmen that oppress him.

To be continued...
« Last Edit: July 06, 2013, 05:03:46 am by only1asterisk »

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    seanp

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #1 on: July 06, 2013, 07:33:40 am »
    I can't wait to see where this is going.
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    Lupinus

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #2 on: July 06, 2013, 10:24:56 am »
    Bruce is moved to make a bed so they lock up an inmate accused of trying to have sex with a cat (I shift you not, it happens often enough that there is a standard pleading for it). 
    Some people just don't have a firm grip on the Engrish language and get a might confused, I see.
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    freeman1685

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #3 on: July 06, 2013, 10:54:05 am »
    I'm still working on: What's the Point?  :shrug
    ArizonaStupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education or by legislation.  Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can't help being stupid.  But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is death, there is no appeal, and execution is carried out automatically and without pity.  RAH

    onesmack4u

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #4 on: July 06, 2013, 11:36:49 am »
    I'm still working on: What's the Point?  :shrug

    Don't have sex with cats, and watch out for delusional Bruce Lee impersonators.
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    freeman1685

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #5 on: July 06, 2013, 11:52:28 am »
    Don't have sex with cats, and watch out for delusional Bruce Lee impersonators.

    Yeah... um...  Like I really needed to be told that!   :neener

    Basically, it looks like another day at the office, for every Corrections Officer I've ever met.  Though I don't remember Cats ever being part of the conversation.  :shocked
    ArizonaStupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education or by legislation.  Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can't help being stupid.  But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is death, there is no appeal, and execution is carried out automatically and without pity.  RAH

    Grant

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #6 on: July 06, 2013, 12:32:09 pm »
      Sorta funny.  I'm not involved in that stuff but I know a couple real far-outers who make the weekly trips up to county lockup....multiply that by statewide, and add in some real hardcore loons who don't get let out every week....

    i can only IMAGINE what you people can see  :rotfl
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    LJS14

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #7 on: July 07, 2013, 12:32:53 am »
    I now feel like going to watch One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

    I'm not quite sure where this is going either but, at least your job isn't boring.  ;)
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    Mr. E. Monkey

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #8 on: July 07, 2013, 03:51:10 am »
    Some people just don't have a firm grip on the Engrish language and get a might confused, I see.
    :rotfl

     :clap
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    only1asterisk

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #9 on: July 08, 2013, 12:48:39 am »
    Sorry guys, I'll try to finish up in the morning.

    RevDisk

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #10 on: July 08, 2013, 09:01:36 am »

    Is this local, county or state place? And I gather, a holding pen for the loonie prisoners?  Ouch. You sir, have my deepest respects. Not the easiest gig in the world. Cops deal with a lot of criminals, but mostly interact with normal folks. Corrections officers deal with virtually exclusively criminals. IMHO, it's like making a career out of staying in a hostile fire zone with supposedly disarmed enemy combatants.


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    Chief45

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #11 on: July 08, 2013, 04:47:22 pm »
    Is this local, county or state place? And I gather, a holding pen for the loonie prisoners?  Ouch. You sir, have my deepest respects. Not the easiest gig in the world. Cops deal with a lot of criminals, but mostly interact with normal folks. Corrections officers deal with virtually exclusively criminals. IMHO, it's like making a career out of staying in a hostile fire zone with supposedly disarmed enemy combatants.

    +1.   The brothers that work the DOC facilities . . . Man,  they could not pay me enough. 

    I'll take my chances on the street every time.  It's safer.




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    only1asterisk

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #12 on: July 08, 2013, 06:54:26 pm »
    Enter the Dragon:

    I get involved by simple chance.  I'm conducting rounds on the building and see the commotion.  I tell the control room officer to call for assistance and since the officer assigned to the wing is nowhere in sight, I step into break things up.  Before I can get through the door, things escalate and there is blood everywhere.   Great, now there is going to be paperwork and lots of it. 

    I get the "winner" cuffed and headed for the door.  The loser is bleeding on the floor, but he'll live.  The wing boss comes running up and try to explain that he was conducting cell searches when things kicked off.  Whatever.  "Watch him."  I tell him and indicate the inmate trying to stand, but mostly just sliding around in his own blood.  I briefly consider whether the officer is competent to carry out the order before deciding that it really doesn't matter.

    I get the "winner" off the wing.  I ask him a couple of questions aimed at understanding the situation and interpret the ensuing babble indicate that it was a personal beef.  That's something good at least.  I hand the winner off to the first responding officer and head back on the wing after the loser who is now sitting on a bench in the dayroom, still leaking, but not in any immediate danger.

    Just inside the door is Bruce Lee.

    To be continued...


    seanp

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #13 on: July 14, 2013, 02:43:05 am »
    Come on bro.  Clearly this is some s___ you want to get off you chest.  Finish it off.
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    only1asterisk

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #14 on: July 15, 2013, 01:54:09 am »
    Come on bro.  Clearly this is some s___ you want to get off you chest.  Finish it off.

    Sorry this has taken so long.  As an agency, we are short thousands of officers.  The overtime is nice for a while but it cuts down on time for posting.

    Just lost 20 minutes of typing.  Going to finish my drink and call it a night. 
    « Last Edit: July 15, 2013, 02:19:15 am by only1asterisk »

    RevDisk

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #15 on: July 15, 2013, 12:29:16 pm »

    noooooooo!

    Pro tip: Write in notepad, copy and paste to WTA
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    GeorgeHill

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #16 on: July 15, 2013, 03:29:36 pm »
    Leaving us hanging?
     :bash

    This is fun.  Please continue.
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    mephisto

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #17 on: July 15, 2013, 03:30:05 pm »
    Or google drive.
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    RevDisk

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #18 on: August 19, 2013, 11:24:07 am »

    *ahem*

    We're WAITING here.

    Write in notepad (or whatever) and then paste it here.
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    to welcome dawn and fear the coming night.
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    MTK20

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    Re: Thoughts on being nearly killed by Bruce Lee
    « Reply #19 on: August 19, 2013, 04:57:08 pm »
    Wow, how did I miss this post  :doh?  It sounds interesting...and terrifying. Can't wait to hear how it ends  :coffee.
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