Once upon a time in Greater Cleveland, Ohio...
Father Murphy, a rotund Cleric from Saint Edwards in Lakewood was in a good family tavern near Marlow and Detroit, enjoying his second half pint, a full pint being a bit improper for a churchman, when a young parishioner ran in and shouted, "Father Murphy! Father Murphy! There's a man on top the silly name building and he's about to JUMP!"
The silly name building actually has a name and it is silly but no one can pronounce it, so everybody calls it the silly name building. Finishing his brew in a gulp, no sense wasting good suds, the stoic cleric ran out the door, to the surprise of those who thought running was not one of his talents having never seen him move that quickly. Down the street he ran and saw the crowd on the sidewalk and he looked up to see a very distraught looking man teetering on the edge of the parapet, more than high enough to do himself in. The crowd made way for the priest and if they didn't a kick in the gastrocnemius caused an immediate parting of the way. Sergeant Brennan glanced at the cleric as he appeared through the crowd and without comment, bowing to superior blarney, handed the priest his yellow issue bullhorn.
"Lad. Lad! Don't do it! Tis a mortal sin! Think of your family!"
"Oh, Father," came back the plaintive, tearful cry, "my wife left me and ran off with my accountant, they took all my money and ruined my business and my son dropped out of Case and has gone to HAIRDRESSERS SCHOOL!"
"What about your friends lad?" asked the anxious priest.
"That bunch of worthless barflies not only knew about my wife's affair, they were making book on the date I'd get DUMPED!
The diminutive cleric took a deep breath, for truly this innocent had been sorely tried...
"Think Lad, it's football season and the Browns are winn'in!
"I'm a Pittsburgh fan Father!" came back the reply from on high...
"A PITTSBURGH FAN!" Shouted the devout fan, "WELL JUMP YOU GODLESS HEATHEN AND YOU'LL BE IN YOUR RIGHTFUL PLACE!"
Who is an expatriate Clevelander surviving in hot and muggy Florida and notorious Browns fan.