So, over on FB, Larry and Tamara Keel were having fun with a Trilby wearing hipster being trollishly ironic (and ironically trollish) and Nightcrawler was dragged in against his will:https://www.facebook.com/tamara.keel/posts/10152104762969825?comment_id=30034724&offset=0&total_comments=137¬if_t=feed_comment_reply
(Not going to post the whole thread, just NC's responses, because they need to be immortalized)
NC: How the f**k did *I* get dragged into this? I'm over here, minding my own business, at the gym, and I have to spend ten minutes reading through one of the more bizarre Facebook threads I've seen in a while. And this, mind you, is coming from the guy who posted dozens of outrageous "Bear Facts", and when one commenter took issue with one of said "facts" (he didn't believe 51,000+ Americans die in bear attacks each year), I accused him of "being in league with the bears".
That's about how seriously I take MY internet, and you want MY input on this?
-I carry a five-shot snubby as often as anything else, with a speedloader and a speed strip for reloads, for a total of fifteen rounds.
-I spent six months in the heartland of the Taliban in Afghanistan and never needed my M9. I laugh at people who tell me I'm going to get killed in Utah because I'm only carrying a revolver.
-Right now, I'm TDY and live on base, so I don't carry at all. The same went for the six months I spent in Germany and the year I lived in Qatar. Sometimes you just gotta adapt to circumstances beyond your control.
-I don't presently actually *own* a centerfire semiauto handgun, so this "slide stop" business...yeah, no, I ain't really got a dog in that fight.
Furthermore, to be fair, there are all kinds of gun culture people I find humor in:
-People who tell me I'm I'm going to die because I've only got a revolver.
-People who tell me a large-framed handgun is impossible to conceal.
-The guy who told me having a plastic Magpul AFG on his rifle made him shoot better, (pi*sed off because I called it a gimmick) and challenged me to list my "split times" in order to prove it.
-I responded by warning him that my zombie dad will rise from the grave and beat up his dad.
-People who act like using the slide release for releasing the slide is some kind of affront to nature.
-The modern day samurai "MINDSET" people who refuse to call guns weapons "they're TOOLS" (as are the people who say that) and have to sit facing the door. There's a scene in one of Larry's books based on the time we almost got into a fight with some of these guys at the Rio buffet in Las Vegas.
-Multicam and Magpul fanboys, and this is coming from a guy with a magpul stock on his rifle and who wore multicam in combat.
-Tactical Timmies in general. They often display some or all of these traits. They're silly people who take themselves very seriously. They're SERIOUS SHOOTERS who shoot seriously, and run their guns HARD (because the gun knows you're at a training class, not just blasting into the dirt out in the desert somewhere).
Don't get me fu**ing started on "operators". The EOD career field has officially adopted the phrase "operator". Because being an EOD tech wasn't cool enough, we have to be "operators" too. It doesn't even make sense. You conduct an operation, you don't operate it. If anything, we should be EOD Conductors. I actually removed that phrase (and a bunch of other buzzwords and jargon) from a couple of draft documents up at HQ. (I also get to say things like no, Chief, that's not actually a word.) Everybody wants to be an operator because it's a handy buzzword that lets bureaucrats know we don't just sit on base anymore and gets us funding and recognition. That's the excuse, anyway. I still say what they're doing to the Queen's English is a goddamned crime.
Now, it's after 11 and I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty wasted right now. If I read this mess right...okay, first of all, I've counseled people who, on the internet, were "warning me" that I'm going to die because I only have, say, 15 rounds on me, that if they don't spend as much time worrying about their cardiovascular health as they do their daily round count, then their priorities are out of whack, because heart diseases are the number one killer of Americans.
And let's be honest. A goodly portion of the gun culture could use more cardio. They make XXXL-sized tactical pants for a reason.
That said...I don't think Larry suggested that he gets in running gun battles all the time. I think some of his fanboyish fans may think so, but really, the life of an accountant-turned-novelist is pretty dull most of of the time. He sits at a desk, slurps Vanilla Coke and bangs on a keyboard all day. His gun collection isn't all that impressive because between being Mormon and being an accountant he's a complete tightwad, what with his "fiscal responsibility" nonsense (it's practically un-American). I'm pretty sure the only tactical gear he owns is stuff he got from the gun store back in the day.
Me, I have a pile of gear I never use, some of which I bought with my own money, because I thought it was cool.
Holy sh*t this got long. Larry why the fu*k did you tag me in this? You KNOW what happens! ALL of that said, I think the one guy assumed Larry was one of the aforementioned Tactical Timmies when he said that you might have to shoot a gun to slidelock. That wasn't really fair. The only semiauto I own is a .22, and if the slidelock didn't work for whatever reason I'd be pi*sed. So, the one dude kind of jumped the gun (see what I did there? Huh? It was a pun.) a little bit. Larry got annoyed, because Larry has to deal with idiots telling him he's dumb and wrong all day (but it's his own fault for reading the comments, and it's good for him, keeps him grounded from the adoring fanboys. Otherwise he'll end up like Wil Wheaton, and FU*K WIL WHEATON I guess he just doesn't have TIME for two 'L's in his name.)
And then one guy got mad back, because I guess admitting you misunderstood the context on Facebook is REALLY HARD or something, and it descended into a slapfight that was painfully awkward but really funny to read.
So...I know this is the internet and all, but that doesn't mean you have to jump to a conclusion and bring out the unnecessary sarcasm. If you ARE going to do that, you should at least know what the fluff you're talking about. Which SOME PEOPLE in this here facebook discussion seem to be having trouble with.
Looking your way, other guy. Hashtag I"M JUST SAYIN.
And whoever brought it up, my boots aren't desert combat boots, they're Merrel hiking boot, I was issued them for Afghanistan, and they're really comfy. Also, I'll wear whatever the fluff I want you stupid hipsters. If I want to gel my hair up, bust out the Affliction polo, pop the collar, and go tanning like Navy EOD, I'll damned well do it and you can suck it. When you people volunteer to go finger-fluff IEDs in the Taliban's back yard and damn near get killed in the process, then I'll value your opinion.
I'm not even sure who I'm yelling at at this point. All I know is I'm a liightweight and need tog o to bed.